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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m running for cover, dodging puddles. I duck into a little shop on Ulica 2. julija. It’s cozy, smells like bread. I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total bust.” I grab a pastry, and it’s heavenly. Flaky, buttery goodness. I’m in heaven.

Minister Kustec: Today is one happy day